What I want to say: “No. I killed a guy to get this fancy name badge, and I’m sitting here behind this fancy desk, pretending to do reference work because I’m secretly on a CIA mission to infiltrate the seedy community college underbelly; we have a lead that can be traced to the library. But what I really want to know is CAN I TRUST YOU? Or do you wish to die like so many of your comrades before you? It’s your decision; choose wisely. I don’t have all day.”
“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life.”—The Count, The Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
That thing is going around on Facebook where people post a picture of their celebrity doppelgänger. Only person I can recall being compared to is Katherine Heigl (and I don’t see that AT ALL. Maybe it was because I am tall [and was blonde]). And Amy said I have Lana Turner eyes, which is neat. So I went to MyHeritage [h/t Craig] and used three different pictures… and the results are… funny. My favorites are Shaka Khan and John Cusak. wat?!?!
“Countdown” – Phoenix (Words/music: Phoenix, available on Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix, Glass Note 2009)
The biggest knock on Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix is that it’s frontloaded. “Lisztomania” and “1901” set the bar so high off the bat that it’s natural to suggest that it never gets as good as those opening seven minutes (or, alternately, that Phoenix tries in vain to replicate the same magic for the rest of the record). It’s an unfair standard for the rest of the album, and in many ways Phoenix goes in different directions after the opening pair. Sure, they are undeniably Phoenix songs and carry the same manicured sound and snappiness, but with different twists – whether the nod to their dancier roots on “Fences” or a mini-prog jam on the “Love Like a Sunset” suite too.
“Countdown,” especially when compared with the joyous bounce in “Lisztomania,” starts off in a haze. Cymbal crashes and keyboard chords wash together before the drums cut through the fog. Eventually, it revs up to a steady tempo and starts to feel more like a Phoenix song, particularly in the way Thomas Mars repeats certain lines and phrases before moving on. Still, the back and forth motion between this washy opening and the mid-tempo stomp play off each other, making the entire song feel slightly unsettled. However, “Countdown” still reaches the same high points as the other more overtly anthemic songs on the album – particularly the lyric “do you remember when twenty-one years was old,” perhaps the single line on the album that best describes its appeal. This liveliness makes “Countdown” and the album as a whole a joy to listen almost a year later, and helped make Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix my favorite album released in 2009.
“Pat: My LORD, I am HERE to reCEIVE my just REWARD!
God: WHO ARE YOU AGAIN?
Pat: Why, my Lord, I am Pat Robertson! I tirelessly did your work and preached your word all my life! I’m your Number One Fan!
God: NO, SORRY, NOT RINGING ANY BELLS. MAYBE WE MET DOING TSUNAMI RELIEF IN 2004?
Pat: No, my Lord, I know that’s a trick question. You sent that wave to punish the heathens and their immorality!
God: I DID? HUH. DID WE MEET DOING AID WORK AFTER HURRICANE KATRINA?
Pat: Why, no, God, I couldn’t help those people! That hurricane was a judgment on the wicked!
God: MAYBE I SAW YOUR NAME ON THE RED CROSS DONATIONS LIST FOR HAITI?
Pat: But they made a pact with the DEVIL!
God: YOU KNOW, PAT, ALL THE PEOPLE TOO EVIL FOR YOU TO HELP WERE BROWN-SKINNED. ISN’T THAT A FUNNY COINCIDENCE?
Pat: That’s not true! I also condemned the gays and pointed out that AIDS was your plague on their child-molesting ways.
Pat: *beams* So you SEE, I have COME to take my rightful PLACE at your right HAND!
God: ABOUT THAT…YOU CAN’T ACTUALLY COME IN.
Pat: What? You mean you want me to take Saint Peter’s place, deciding who comes in and who stays out? I can do that! I have a very clear understanding on the sort of riff raff we shouldn’t let in! You can trust me not to let the sinners in, Lord!
God: WELL, NO, APPARENTLY YOU DON’T. BECAUSE *YOU* ARE THE SORT OF RIFF RAFF WE DON’T LET IN. REMEMBER ALL THAT HATE, ALL THAT JUDGMENT YOU PREACHED?
Pat: Absolutely! It came straight from the Bible.
God: YOU KEEP USING THAT BOOK. I DO NOT THINK IT MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS.
Pat: You quote “The Princess Bride”?
God: I WROTE “THE PRINCESS BRIDE”.
Pat: I think I’m starting to understand.
God: LITTLE TOO LATE FOR THAT NOW. YOU’RE HEADED DOWNSTAIRS. OH, AND TELL FALWELL TO STOP STALKING ME ON FACEBOOK. IT’S CREEPY AND I’M NOT GOING TO FRIEND HIM BACK.”—LJ user fairgoldberry in this thread