People who tell them to turn down the music - FALSE. I actually don’t care for super loud music — I like my hearing thankyouverymuch.
People who look down at junk food - FALSE. I look down at junk food… just because I partake doesn’t mean I approve.
Litter in parks - TRUE… who LIKES litter in parks?
People who steal flowers - TRUE - again, who likes flower thieves?
People who are cruel to animals TRUE - jebus, really? Who doesn’t hate animal cruelty.
People who do not return calls - TRUE. At least text or email. At some point.
One night stands - FALSE . There is a time and a place for everything, friends.
Bad haircuts - FALSE. Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom would not have been NEARLY as fun without bad haircuts.
People who abuse drugs - TRUE - AGAIN, you guys… this is like predicting you will probably at some point breathe in the future.
Parents who discipline children - FALSE FALSE FALSE - Children NEED discipline. Parents (in general) should DO MORE to discipline their children and not expect the school system to do it for them (‘cause guess what? they can’t). I have to stop myself from disciplining other people’s children in public when their parents are faulty.
“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I am not afraid.”— Marcus Aurelius
“Werewolf Bar Mitzvah” – Tracy Jordan (Words/music: Jeff Richmond, available via NBC.com, 2007)
One of the more charming parts of “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah,” is the dialogue between Tracy Jordan (alter ego of comedian Tracy Morgan) and his producer. In the world of the sitcom 30 Rock, Tracy Jordan is akin to Martin Lawrence, complete with ubiquitous semi-fame and an IMDB page full of stinkers. It’s believable that Jordan would make a novelty cash-in record, but the premise of this one – somewhere between a Hebrew rite of passage and Halloween – even baffles the man cashing the paycheck. Before the third verse, the producer warns Jordan that the song is losing steam and becoming “sweaty,” prompting Jordan to declare that “this whole premise is sweaty!” (Let’s be honest - it’s less than three minutes long and feels like it’s twice that length). Still, he soldiers on through another plot-driven verse and another spin through the chorus before ultimately declaring that it’s no “Dick in a Box.”
Like 30 Rock itself, “Werewold Bar Mitzvah” approaches comedy with the right blend of absurdity and self-awareness. Jordan’s narrative delves deeper into bizarre details as he tosses aside every horror movie fact and Hebrew vocabulary word he can remember. It’s the way a novelty song works – the hook is the only substantial part, yet it has to go away for a while before we can welcome it back. So Jordan starts telling his ridiculous story and we’re generally ignoring it, waiting for the “spooky, scary” line to come back. Meanwhile, Jordan and producer wink at us the entire way.